- People of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations are spending upwards of $5,000 for Amy Nobile of New York City-based dating service Love, Amy to fixing their dating apps.
- And that’s not all she does: Nobile helps them with everything from wardrobe consultations to photoshoots for their profiles.
- She also gives all clients three basic rules to follow before they start swiping: First dates should be 30 minutes long over juice or coffee; sex should wait until the third date; and always Google someone before going on a date with them.
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Juice, sex, and Google.
Amy Nobile, the cupid of dating apps, has three rules for her clients, and that’s what they boil down to.
Nobile founded dating service Love, Amy in April 2019. What began as a side hustle after finding “the love of her life” on Bumble post-divorce and helping her friends navigate their way through dating apps is now a full-fledged business.
In January 2020, her rates will start at $1,750 a month for a three-month minimum. Nobile told Business Insider she’s had 45 clients across the country so far, juggling six to seven at a time. From wardrobe consultations to photoshoots for dating app profiles, people of all genders, sexual orientations, and generations come to her for dating app help.
But she gives them three steadfast rules they have to abide by before swiping.
1. The first date should be 30 minutes long.
“Never give away a whole night on your first date; time is too precious,” Nobile said.
Every first date should be a 30-minute coffee or juice date — a transactional meeting just to see if there’s enough chemistry for a real first date, which can then be longer, she said. She suggests coming with three genuine questions to take the pressure off and really listening to what your date has to say.
When it comes to what to wear, Nobile recommends keeping it casual but not to the point where you look unkempt. There’s no need to put on makeup or get a blowout, she said. For the first real date, you can have fun with it and get cleaned up, she added.
Think of the first date similarly to a job interview (without the formalities, of course). Many job interviews begin with a brief screener call to see if the basics line up between employer and employee — both get a better sense of who the other is, just like the 30-minute juice date. If it seems like a potential match, they move on to the first real interview, or, in this case, date.
2. No sex until at least the third date.
On the first date, you’re meeting for juice or coffee. At this stage, the most you should be doing physically is maybe a peck on the cheek, Nobile said.
The next date is your real date. Here, “You can make out a little bit, but don’t go to the apartment, no way,” Nobile said. But when it comes to the third date, anything goes, she said: “All bets are off — go for it.”
Nobile said she stays in the loop with her clients the whole time.
“If you violate this rule, it’s going to end badly,” she said. “It’s too much, too soon. You don’t know enough about this person.”
Researchers vary on how long you should wait to have sex with a partner, spanning anywhere from a few dates to a few months. But several psychotherapists previously told Business Insider’s Lydia Ramsey that being on the same page emotionally is helpful for finding the best time to start having sex.
3. Google the person before your date.
Nobile’s last rule is to Google the person’s full name before going on a date with them. If their full name isn’t on their dating app profile, ask for it.
“Sometimes people disappear when you ask for their full name,” Nobile said. That’s a red flag — it could be a sign they’re hiding something, she added.
Turns out, most people are abiding by this rule already. A 2019 study by JDP, which offers employment screening and background checks, surveyed 2,000 adults and found that 38% admitted to always researching prospective dates before agreeing to their first date, while 23% said they usually do.
Most said they spent 15 to 30 minutes researching the person, and 63% of respondents said they go most or all the way back when looking at that person’s social media.
Women, according to the survey, were twice as likely to check everything they could and most interested in criminal background and work history. Men, on the other hand, were most interested in others’ interests and pictures/videos. And Googling before a date proves fruitful — 40% backed out of a date because of what they found.
But if they pass the Google test and you make it to the first date, just remember: When it comes to conversation, it’s “okay to dig in,” Nobile said.